i refuse to let this get to me this time

i am a paranoid fool
someone please make it stop.
this isn't worth it.
i somehow feel guilty.
every passing day i can feel the lump in the back of my throat.
i need to free myself of the misery.
because i feel like i'm slowly dying.

i can't take it anymore,
no, i can't take it anymore

i am worth so much more.
the power is always within me.
but i need to first gather my strength and make sure i prepare myself for the worst.
top of the to do list: grow a thicker skin.

never met a bottle i didn't like

sometimes alcohol is bad for me and i can feel it, but i keep going.
i keep going and going until i can't feel.
sometimes i don't wanna feel.
except to feelloved
or desired
i wanna feel someones lips on mine
i wanna touch them.

i'm tired of being rated G.
i'm tired that x-rated only cums alone. no one knows x-rated me. they'd like me, i know they would.

and therein lies the bottles. allowing my xrated world to collide with the G rated one.
spectacular.