High Fashion

bugs are attracted to lights. the same way girls are attracted to the sparkle in a diamond. realize that your never gonna make it without the drive and the energy. sparkly things fizzle and die. trends come and go. brains, wit, talent...never goes out of style. cover me in sand cause i'm the diamond in the rough. come be attracted to me as if i were a light and you're a bug.

late nights bring about the most confusing swill.

I Could Care Less

Why?
Why do people with no personality and nothing of consequence score so big? Or i guess that they don't score big. But a Girl who may as well be a guy who models and has a fiance? How does this happen?

Her ugliness is not skin deep. On some level even I would appreciate her outer beauty, but she is dark on the inside, very dark. Turn her inside out and look at the disease. The lack of compassion and good sense. Rotten to the core.

Am I just shallow and mean for critisizing her? Is this why I can't get a decent guy to even CALL me? Because I want it so bad? Because i'm jealous? That's a terible reason.

If I had never mentioned her I'd be in the same place. I'm a pretty girl. I'm a nice person. I am fully deserving of all the good things in the world. I know I am.

I guess one can argue that everyone is entitled to some happiness. Everyone else is. I'm not more entitled than anyone else. I just want it more. And seeing someone who doesn't want it and doesn't appreciate it for what it is, makes me angry.

Am I a hypocrite for saying these things about her? Am I kicking myself down to her level?
I just want to understand how ugly people make me jealous.

I wear black on the outside, cause that's how i feel on the inside

My fear is my truth.
I am constantly afraid of everything. Afraid that being myself is not a good thing. I constantly don't fit in. I'm not pious enough. i'm not interesting enough. I'm not thin enough. I don't listen to many underground bands. I don't like too many mainstream bands. I'm not pop. I'm not indie.
I am only me.
Why is me not good enough?
I hate questions.

this Post is Bullshit.

read more books, tell less lies.

I Love my older sister. There are times I don't, but usually those are times when I know she's right and I'm not ready to accept the truth. I think those are usually the times you don't like someone. When they're right and you're wrong. When they don't agree with you. When their opinion is something you don't wanna hear. We're all selfish in that way.
I would assume I am pretty selfish. I do a lot of things simply because I want to do them. This is what defines me as being young and without responsibility. I only have responsibility towards me, my life, my goals. The thing is, I'm not really selfish. If I was, I would have turned my back on my family long ago. I would have struck out on my own. But it's my responsibilty to my younger sisters and to my parents that has me stay here. Stuck.
I've been grappling with these reasons for a few weeks now, maybe months. Am I staying for them? Yes, for the sake of my poor parents who can't support themselves. Am I staying because I'm lazy and it's the easy path? Yes, of course. I'm beginning to see that it was more my laziness than my responsibility keeping me here. My laziness creating more excuses.

Sometimes I think too much for my own good